Obama’s Association with ACORN Questioned, Squirrels

  • Published on October 16th, 2008

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Senator Barack Obama has been questioned over and over again by the McCain campaign about his affiliation with ACORN, or The Association of Community Organizers for Reform Now. The FBI is currently investigating any activity that would point to ACORN’s fradulent voter registration processes for less fortunate citizens. However, Senator McCain believes that the activity is even more nefarious than it seems.

“We all know that Barack Obama has some shady ties,” says McCain, “but this one–this one breaks all the rules of human decency. We have enough evidence to assume that Obama has fraternized with an enemy that will terrorize you neighborhood. I only have two words: Trained Squirrels.

“We believe that Obama is exchanging premium-grade acorns for underground political intelligence. They sit by your windows at dinner time, hearing your discussions like fuzzy flies on the walls. They seem innocent enough–you might even want to throw them a cheez doodle–but know beneath that fuzzy outfit lies the heart of a Pinko rat!

“Mud slinging is a heavenly ordained act between a man and another man. Squirrels should never be provided the right to break the First Amendment through covert spying. They are not, and shall never be, mentioned in the Patriot Act.

“If you are a real American, you will not include acorns in your Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations. In fact, no tree nuts or dried Indian corn should be included. Only Freedom Fruits.”

Obama declined to comment.

About the Author

I am a 20 year old student of the University of California at San Diego. I write satire and nonfiction for three different publications. I am a pre-medical/writing student.