What President Obama SHOULD Say About Solar In The SOTU

  • Published on January 20th, 2015

ObamaSOTUBy Frank Andorka, RGB Contributor

All eyes will be on the House of Representatives tonight … oh, who am I kidding? Viewership for the State of the Union have been falling for years, and I’m fairly certain this year won’t be any different.

I’m thinking it’s because the state of the union is always strong and always God-blessed. So what else is there to say?

Well, if I were President Obama’s speechwriter instead of this guy, I’d take this opportunity to slap the Republican majorities around for standing in the way of the country’s progress toward energy independence and scold them for letting the United States slip behind Germany, China, Italy (Italy? Seriously?) and Japan by withholding much-needed research funding.

But he won’t. It’s not because he’s a coward. It’s because he knows better than to waste his breath when he talks to the knuckleheads who are in control and the Quislings in his own party who cling to oil/gas/coal money like a granite life preserver.

So I’m going to write the solar section of the SOTU as would like to see President Obama orate it:

“My fellow Americans, I started this speech off by saying the state of our union is strong. And it largely is. But let me tell you one area in which it could be much, much stronger — energy policy. But thanks to your lack of interest in voting and/or your inability to elect people who understand science and all, we’ve got the traitors in my own party and the Reactionaries of the other party, who are so in bed with the oil and coal industries you can barely see them through all the smoke. Yeah, I’m looking at you Rubio. I’m looking at you, Paul. I’m looking at all the Luddites to my left and I say to them: Either get on board with renewable energy — or get the hell out of the way.

And to my fellow “Democrats” [Writer’s Note: Those are air quotes, accompanied by a presidential eye-roll.] who are so myopic as to be on the wrong side of history on this — are you kidding me right now? Why in the name of God would any Democrat oppose renewable energy? Are you stupid? The solar industry isn’t supporting the reactionaries, so let’s give them the same amount of love the Kochs are giving their own interests through their bought-and-paid-for Congress. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Manchin. I’m looking at you, Landrieu (though your time grows short), and I’m looking at you, Rahall. I say to you also: What in the hell do you think you’re doing? We need energy independence, and renewable energy is the way forward.

My brother-from-another-mother Bobby Dylan had a message for y’all:

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don’t stand in the doorway
Don’t block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There’s a battle outside
And it is ragin’
It’ll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin’.

There was a report out last week. Anyone tell me what the fastest-growing segment of the economy is in terms of jobs created? Anyone? McCain? Issa? Rubio? No one? Are you not on Twitter? Read the papers?

It’s the solar industry, folks. The solar industry now employs 173,807 hard-working Americans in all walks of life. We have blue-collar installers and white-collar engineers. We have blue-collar construction workers and white-collar financiers. And 85% of those jobs were new, instead of just adding on new responsibilities to overworked employees. I know the Reactionaries over there don’t understand anything other than piling more work on already existing workers, but believe me, you pinheads, this is better.

The solar industry has grown its job numbers 87% over the past five years. No other industry in the U.S. matches it. It stepped into the breach when the Reactionaries, protestations to the contrary, refused to pass a real jobs bill, to keep Americans employed, with living wages and a sense of mission — to save the planet.

So suck on it, Reactionaries — we are moving forward to fund more renewable energy research. To the coal and oil-owned Senators, suckle at the Kochs’ teats as long as you can, because your time is at an end.

Oh, well, a boy can dream, right?

 

 

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