Too Much Dutch! American Dependency on Wind Power Spawns Mass Emigration from the Netherlands

In the late nineteenth century, over 5,000 Chinese immigrants traveled to America to build the transcontinental railroad. With them came a rich culture that set a tone for a more diverse West.

Today, Americans are beginning to rely more on wind power via state-of-the-art windmills, but current industries have been unable to accommodate the sweeping demand. Many engineers have been trying to construct the windmills the old-fashioned American way—backdoor Mexican labor—but have been mostly fruitless.

“No one, no matter how poor he is, wants to move to plain states. We need people who are accustomed to northern weather, people who are willing to waste their lives in the Dakotas.

But we have finally found our answer. Thousands of Dutchmen are flying out of Holland because of a massive Tulip famine. Bryan Van der Verff, who used to own a smoke shop in Amsterdam, has settled with his family just outside Butte, Montana. He will be part of an assembly line of “green collar” Dutch workers who are trying to restart their lives. Van der Verff politely muses,

“Stervern lomp hond!”

Local shopping centers have begun to accommodate the cultural influx. Wooden Crocs are gracing the shelves of Walmart, and a dike construction project has begun around Lake Michigan. Celebrities are beginning to nip any civil unrest in the bud, hoping to avoid many of the tragedies that befell Chinese-Americans in their assimilation process. Ex-teen celebrity James Van Der Beek has become a Dutch rights activist and has helped set up summer camps in Solvang for under-privileged Dutch children.

“I’m just glad I can help,” he says. “We need to keep them occupied now that they are in a country where weed is illegal.”

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